Friday, December 25, 2020

HOLY SHIT! THE JETS BEAT THE RAMS!!! NFL Week 16 Preview

 


If I was a gambling man I could've won money off this game! The simulation said the Jets would win but I didn't believe in it. I thought it was crazy to think the sad sack Jets could pull off a upset over a playoff bound team. But my mistake was believing the Rams would play like a competent team this whole season and the Jets wouldn't find a way to fuck up their tanking. Neither QB played a abnormally great or awful game, it's just that the Jets were able to get a big lead early that the Rams couldn't recover from despite making it close in the second half.

While the players are happy about the win, fans and other Jet followers are pissed this cost them the #1 pick in the 2021 NFL Draft. Jets fans sent angry messages towards Rookie Punter Braden Mann for tackling Nsimba Webster to prevent the punt return TD. On the local SportsNet New York postgame show, analyst Chad Cascadden was upset they may have lost the chance to ruin Trevor Lawrence. I for one am glad the Jaguars now have the top pick because I don't want Trevor to suffer the same fate as Sam Darnold on this shitty ass team. Even if they do get rid of Adam Gase, I have no faith that they would provide Trevor the offensive line to protect him or receivers to throw to. He would simply be another casualty of football teams with dumpster fire management. At least Frank Gore didn't go out 0-16 though.

Now I can retire in peace.

THE GAMES





Minnesota Vikings      17
New Orleans Saints    20

There's no more Thursday Night Football this season so I won't be late publishing these weekly previews anymore. Instead, they scheduled the TNF game for Friday so we will get Christmas Day football! The NFL is pretty inconsistent on whether or not to play a normal schedule on Christmas Day/Eve. Sometimes they avoid playing on Christmas Eve. Other times they shove most of their games to that day. Seeing how the Coronavirus forced them to make every day available to host games, maybe we will get a new tradition of playing a game on Christmas every year. The NBA and ESPN/ABC would hate for their unofficial season opener to compete with the NFL but I imagine CBS/NBC/FOX wouldn't mind airing a random weekday afternoon NFL game in place of a talk show rerun.







Tompa Bay Buccaneers     9
Detroit Lions                      24

In the first game of this Saturday tripleheader, Tom Brady's career comes full circle as he hits the field for his 300th regular season game at Detroit where he played his first NFL game on Thanksgiving in 2000. It would be quite fitting that this end in a loss just like it did 20 years ago.






Arizona (A)   29
Arizona (H)   19

Here's a fun fact that shows how dynamic of a player Kyler Murray is and how severe the 49ers' Super Bowl Hangover is. Kyler has more passing and rushing yards/TDs than any Niner this season. Goddamn that's depressing but not as depressing as Josh Rosen's career.

JBL was selected 10th overall by the Cardinals in the 2018 draft. He replaced Sam Bradford after a 0-3 start to finish the season 3-13. Then he gets shipped off to Miami after Arizona drafts Kyler. Next season, he's Ryan Fitzpatrick's backup until they draft Tua Tagovailoa this past off season and cut JBL loose. He gets picked up by the Bucs this season and spent his time there watching the team from the stands. Since Jimmy Garoppolo is doubtful to play again this season and Nick Mullens might need Tommy John surgery for his elbow injury, JBL was signed off the Buccaneers' practice squad to backup C.J. Beathard this week. I don't feel we seen enough out of JBL to confirm his bust status so it would be nice to see him come in to relieve a struggling Beathard and win against his old team.







Miami Dolphins          13
Las Vegas Raiders     24

Alex Smith will probably win Comeback Player of the Year but let's give a shoutout to Darren Waller. After years of substance abuse fucking up his life and career, he finally got clean, got his life back in order and after a nice season gets selected for the Madden Pro Bowl. I like seeing people who overcome their self-destructive behavior in order to become a upstanding citizen. It's a long hard journey to battle addiction but it's a rewarding feeling to go weeks, months, years without your vices pulling you back down into the darkness.








Indianapolis Colts       13
Pittsburgh Steelers     16

I get the Steelers don't want to deviate from what got them 11 wins but when teams have you figured out, try something else to give them something new to think about, like RUNNING THE BALL!!! Once again, the game was on Big Ben's Back and once again they lose what should've been a easy game because they rather air it out than establish a run game. And if that wasn't bad enough, they had to deal with JuJu Smith-Schuster pissing off opposing defenses by dancing on their midfield logo on Tik Tok. Fun fact: JuJu has more Tik Tok videos (98) than yards in a game (93) this season. He says he's done dancing so at least that headache is gone. Gee, I wonder why he suddenly decided to stop dancing on midfield?









Atlanta Falcons           13
Kansas City Chiefs     52

This should be a clear cut ass kicking by the Chiefs. Even if Julio Jones did play, I don't see the Falcons keeping this game close past the 1st quarter.







Chicago Bears                 21
Jacksonville Jaguars      34

Now that Jacksonville has the #1 pick, it would be in their best interest to lose their last games. I trust the Jaguars a hell of a lot more than the Jets to keep their QB healthy and develop him into a star player. Of course the Jags are no Patriots when it comes to success, but at least they're not a dumpster fire like the Jets.







Cincinnati Bengals      28
Houston Texans          35

The Texans interviewed two notable coaches for their vacant head coach position who took some time off from head coaching: Jim Caldwell and Marvin Lewis. Both of them are good coaches in the regular season but struggle in the postseason. Both of their former teams also turned to shit after they were fired. I wouldn't mind seeing both of these guys back in the league because if a shit coach like Adam Gase can get another chance, so should these guys.






New York Giants      13
Baltimore Ravens    24

It's weird to say that a matchup between a 5-9 and 9-5 team is a must win for both of them but that's how this weird season is playing out. Both teams have to win to keep their playoff hopes alive and need losses from those ahead of them to sneak into the playoffs. I go with Baltimore to end the Giants' playoff push for good.






Cleveland Browns     35
New York Jets            24

With all this talk about tanking, let's be clear here, the players themselves are not tanking. A lot of them will not be here next year so why would they intentionally lose games to get a better draft pick for someone they might not play with next season? Having said that, they should draft a offensive lineman to protect Darnold because it looks like they're stuck with him if they decide not to draft another QB or sign a free agent.

This was such a pain in the ass to make since I don't have photoshop.







Carolina Panthers                   34
Football Team Washington    19

Washington is the last team left on the Road to 8. If the simulation is correct, then my prediction that the NFC East will send a under .500 team to the playoffs will be accurate. It's still unknown who the fuck will emerge from this garbage ass division though.






Denver Broncos                  7
Los Angeles Chargers      28

Drew Lock is the latest White guy with a big arm that John Elway sees himself in who has not produced at all. With all the QBs who have come and gone since Peyton Manning ended his career with a Super Bowl win, it might be time to dump Elway next. Sure, he's a legend in the area but it's obvious he can't pick a QB worth a shit. It's one thing to suck ass with a QB putting up big numbers but can't close out games. It's another thing to suck ass with a erratic QB with everyone else playing meh to ugh.







Philadelphia Eagles       38
Dallas Cowboys               3

I might be too hasty but it's time to trade away Carson Wentz. He may not be complaining about getting benched publicly but I don't see how you can go back to him after the performances Jalen Hurts have put up. There will be teams who are willing to take on his contract if they think they can rehab his career back to it's pre-injury Pro Bowl days. As for the Cowboys, please kill these fools' playoff chances so I wont have to hear about them anymore.







Los Angeles Rams     26
Seattle Seahawks       17

I don't care what the simulation says this week, we know what the Rams are...









Tennessee Titans       20
Green Bay Packers    48

The Titans' 2nd ranked offense may have carried their 27th ranked defense to a 10-4 record but I don't see them getting far in the playoffs. That defense is gonna be a liability so they better shore that up to prevent getting into shootouts with opponents.






Buffalo Bills                     15
New England Patriots     12

Earlier this week, Cam Newton admitted on Instagram that he didn't live up to the Patriot Standard. I agree! He's been awful this season and showed why teams were so hesitant to sign him despite his career accomplishments. It's unclear if he's playing with a injury, still dealing with the affects of Corona or his game really is shot. So who knows if he will get another starting gig next season...that's if he actually gets signed somewhere next season.


LAST WEEK      6-10
OVERALL       125-96-1

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