When I heard that Tyrod Taylor went to the hospital because the Chargers'
doctor punctured his lung while injecting him with painkillers for his
cracked ribs, I was like, "WTF MAN?". How the hell can you be so incompetent
that you PUNCTURE A LUNG while shooting someone up with painkillers? Former
Colts Punter Pat McAfee had the same questions so he asked former
teammates who had the same procedure and apparently it's a well known risk.
It's a common procedure for those with bruised/cracked ribs where players
are injected above the ribs before the game since it only works for about
four hours with a 99% success rate. Also the lungs eventually "unpunctures"
itself which explains why the team don't seem to bothered by this huge
fuckup (I'm sure there's legal reasons as well for why they're treating this
as no big deal).
Pat also brought up that since these team doctors are usually at the top of
their profession, they probably haven't done procedures like injections in a
long time since that's usually done by nurses. Which brings up another
question: Why the hell is someone who haven't stuck anyone with a needle in
years performing injections on injured football players? If a Chargers'
doctor fucking up rings any bells, it should because their doctor from
1997-2013 was David Chao. Deadspin did a story on him in
2013 (which led to him leaving the team a couple months later) about how he's been sued by multiple people including a 15 year old who had her leg amputated due to negligence on his part. He was also sued by former players over negligence and misdiagnosing injuries including Jon Haskins knee injury that cost him his career.
But back to Tyrod, he seriously just can't catch a break in this league. Every time he finally gets to start, something out of his control happens and he ends up losing his job again. I'm by no means comparing him to Tom Brady as someone who just needs that ONE CHANCE to show the world what he can do. He's a 10 year vet so we know by now that he's a OK QB who can win you games, but won't get you to the Super Bowl. Still, it sucks to see a presumably decent guy face so many setbacks that sends him to the bench while lesser QB's waste away talent on their respective teams.
THE GAMES
Miami Dolphins 48
Jacksonville Jaguars 27
At first look, this is your typical trash TNF game. But Fitzpatrick and Minshew are capable of lighting up the scoreboard. They're just not that consistent at it for it to matter in the long run. Since you don't know exactly which QB will show up, go with the long time veteran here
Houston Texans 7
Pittsburgh Steelers 17
It's the Watt Bowl with Derek and T.J. of the Steelers vs J.J. and the Texans. A trio of brothers playing in the same game happened last season with Tremaine and his Steelers losing to his brothers Terrell and Trey of the Bills 17-10 in the Edmunds Bowl. I doubt Derek will get a chance to truck stick J.J. right into the endzone, But I can see T.J. harassing the QB and receivers and getting a key stop to win the matchup.
Cincinnati Bengals 9
Philadelphia Eagles 14
With all the hype Joe Burrow gained off of his Heisman/National Championship winning season at LSU, he's still winless in the NFL. Of course, he's getting no help whatsoever from his defense or the run game. I wouldn't want my QB throwing 61 times in a game because that shows me my RBs are useless. Also, it increases the chances of him blowing out his arm. So go with the Eagles to finally get their first win of the season.
San Francisco 49ers 38
NY Giants 14
The 49ers had so many injuries in last week's 31-13 win against the Jets. Jimmy Garoppolo (high-ankle sprain), Nick Bosa (torn ACL), Raheem Mostert (MCL sprain) and Solomon Thomas (torn ACL) all went down leading DE Arik Armstead to call the field "trash". It's a new turf for MetLife Stadium so they complained that the field was sticky. Unfortunately for them, they have to go back on that trash field vs the Giants since the NFL and NFLPA ruled that it was safe to play on after their investigation. The final result should be similar but hopefully they have on some different cleats to minimize the leg injury risks.
Las Vegas Raiders 7
New England Patriots 21
The Raiders are a early surprise in this young season but the Patriots should have no problem winning this.
Tennessee Titans 6
Minnesota Vikings 9
NFLGameSim still consider the Titans to be frauds. That explains them choosing the Vikings to win this field goal kicking contest.
DCFC 3
Cleveland Browns 28
The Team With No Name vs The Team With No Logo. Just go with the Browns.
LA Rams 27
Buffalo Bills 38
I get people are high on "Jaheim Allen", but can he really win a shootout vs the Rams? There's only one way to find out!
Chicago Bears 26
Atlanta Falcons 10
Last week was "28-3" all over again. They had a 20-0 lead in the second quarter but the Falcons Falconed by letting Dallas get back in the game and eventually lose it at the end.
 |
| "20-0" won't be as memorable, but it's just as significant meme wise as "28-3" |
What is with this team and choking away big leads? They forced three fumbles in the first quarter getting out to a 20-0 lead. Then they exchanged scores to closeout the half 29-10. Cowboys go on a run, Falcons keep fucking up and now it's 39-37 with Dallas needing to recover the onside kick and a field goal to win.
 |
| They literally snatched defeat from the jaws of victory that fateful day of 9/20/20. |
The current onside kick rules makes it damn near impossible to recover one without the other team fucking up somehow and fuckup they did. Look at this shit! There are five Falcons in the area (three of them have a direct path to the football) but instead of jumping on the ball, they let it go ten yards which allowed the Cowboy to swoop in and recover it.
 |
| You can't even replicate a fuckup this bad in Madden! |
This is where not having a preseason hurts teams. They're making excuses that special teams practice this scenario every time but it's clear those Falcons players either forgot or didn't know they could touch the ball before it goes ten yards as the receiving team. As Bomani Jones said in his famous rant, The Falcons Are Not To Be Trusted!
Carolina Panthers 24
LA Chargers 13
Anthony Lynn says Tyrod will be his starting QB when he gets back regardless of Justin Herbert's performance. He held his own in his loss to the Chiefs, but now that teams have tape of him, he might have a poor outing against the Panthers.
NY Jets 13
Indianapolis Colts 38
Just pencil in a Colts win and move on.
Dallas Cowboys 31
Seattle Seahawks 52
Dallas lucked out that Atlanta Falconed again and choked away a big lead. Seattle is not gonna make that mistake, unless Russell Wilson throws a game ending interception in the endzone from the one yard line instead of running it again.
Tompa Bay Buccaneers 14
Denver Broncos 28
The Bucs faired better in their 31-17 win last week against the Panthers but they still seem off. When asked why he won't call plays for Gronk, Bruce Arians said he has receivers to catch balls, which he has a point. He has two good TEs already and Gronk retired because his body was too broken down to continue. I imagine he's saving his body for later in the season so they can have him healthy in their playoff push. With all that said, the simulation says the Broncos will get their first win of the season.
Detroit Lions 24
Arizona Cardinals 13
I went 5-11 last week because the simulations wildly overestimated the Lions' abilities and underestimated the Cardinals' skills. Once again, the sim puts too much faith in the LOLns and absolutely disrespects the Cards.
Green Bay Packers 36
New Orleans Saints 13
In his 34-24 loss to the Raiders on Monday Night, people were saying his arm was shot, that he can't throw deep anymore. I find this to be a overreaction considering they had no preseason games. I'm sure he will bounce back from that game...just not against the Packers.
Kansas City Chiefs 24
Baltimore Ravens 30
It's the battle between the two Madden cover boys. Patrick Mahomes' Madden 20 got a user score of 1.4 while Lamar Jackson's Madden 21 got a 0.2 user score! Like holy shit those are some pitiful scores! It's like the game itself has the Madden Curse that has long plagued cover athletes these past three decades. What does a bug infested video game have to do with this football game? Nothing! Select the Ravens to end the Chiefs' winning streak.
OVERALL 13-19
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